Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
