there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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