"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
