lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He has the fingertips of a God
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
