I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
