They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
