umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
