marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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