Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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