we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
