every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Couch. On fire.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
