apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize