i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
