There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I want to be your penis for a week.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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