A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
i need some magic done to my vagina
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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