They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize