My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i permit you to call me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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