I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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