but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
