mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
