So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
