Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
