We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
