he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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