I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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