dude i'm inner monologue high
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
