I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my poor anus
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
