theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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