We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
