she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
