Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
