i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
if only i could text you this smell
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
50% drunk capacity currently
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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