After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
