I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
