I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
