The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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