If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
