break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
