Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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