Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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