I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
