Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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