somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
