Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
we're making bets on your personal life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We're too hungover to prance.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
