not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
