You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
