Porn is love you can see.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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