seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
