If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So vagazzling was a success
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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