We're like a lot better than the average bears
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
