Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When are your genitals available?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
