Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
PANTIES FOUND
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