2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
