Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
