the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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