btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize