At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
