Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
