I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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