What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize