I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
