So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
