my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize