she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he thought i was a dude.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
