i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
