maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
