Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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