I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
