Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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