ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
