I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
