I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
